"Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one getting burned." -Buddha
The wisdom of anger management is perhaps the greatest gift you can give yourself to extend your longevity. Research has shown that one of the signs of a long and happy life is the ability to acknowledge one's emotions of anger, and then, to forgive and to forget.
Often we think that we have forgiven someone but we do not forget. Then along will come some small little incident and we will be prompted to remember the time that we were hurt. We will experience resentment - or, re-feel the hurt again. We will have the same physiological responses as when we were first angered. Our blood pressure will rise, blood will rush to the center of our body, and we will be ready to re-experience that fight or flight posture. This antiquated survival mechanism of our ancestors that enabled them to survive puts us at risk for cardiovascular disease and other types of illness.
However, learning to forgive and forget is not easy. In fact, it is very difficult. We have to constantly practice forgiving in order to make it a healthy habit.
When you become angry, acknowledge that you are experiencing a moment of hurt or feel threatened. Observe your physical and emotional response to the event. Then breathe in deeply and then breathe out. Consciously observe your breathing until it becomes steady and regulated. This will increase oxygen in your system and assist you in relaxing and coming to a more detached state of mind.
A detached state of mind is where you can manage and change your own emotional responses that are usually learned behaviors.
When I was young, I was terribly frightened to get up in front of an audience. The very idea of having people stare at me would make me ill. I was experiencing the physiological effects of fear. I was naming my response fear. However, as I learned to detach myself and observe my reactions, I realized that fear and excitement have the same physiological responses. I then started to change the way that I labeled my "feelings" and each time before I was going to do something that I would have before used the self-talk "I am afraid", I now switched my self-talk to "I am excited." The difference this made was amazing. From being afraid to talk in public (which is one of the greatest fears reported by folks in surveys) I got excited by the prospect. I could feel my juices flowing. The power of fear over my interactions with a group was conquered.
The same reality of behavior management is true for anger. If you find yourself becoming an observer of your behavior you will find the cues that evoke this feeling and you will be able to rationally look at it and choose how you will label the experience and how you will react. If you have trouble, you can check at your local mental health clinic or community college and take a class in assertiveness training. It was in learning these techniques and then teaching them at university, that brought me the power to over come anger and reduce my stress level.
Emotions are either a blessing or a curse to our health. Happiness and joy in life expand our time and improve our health. Forgiveness is one of the contributors to happiness and joy. Fear, anger, and hurt are destroyers of health and contribute to shortening our life.
If you will choose to live long and happy, you will take the steps that you need to now to live your life with control and power over your negative emotions.
Today: Choose forgiveness and health.
Myriam Maytorena, M.Ed. is a counselor and writer. You may meet Myriam at http://manifestreality.com . |
